but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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