i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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