textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize