dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize