I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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