I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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