...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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