I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Help. Why am I so naked?
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