My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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