So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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