And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My life is pants optional.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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