I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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