Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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