So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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