Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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