I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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