Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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