Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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