he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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