after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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