I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize