i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize