Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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