your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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