When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize