So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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