i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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