we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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