My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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