My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize