the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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