My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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