Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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