I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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