Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize