Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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