i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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