I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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