I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
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Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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