Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize