Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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