I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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