i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize