So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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