dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize