I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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