Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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