remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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