sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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