Cold hands, warm shart.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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